Building with Broken Bricks - Trauma Bonds

Ever heard the saying, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend?" Well, who is an ally when trauma is the enemy? Today, let's talk about TRAUMA BONDS.

It's very common for those who have been through trauma to bond from it. Yes, many friendships and even relationships were forged through pain, distress, loss and other experiences that would in any other scenario tear people apart.

It makes sense though, right? We form bonds based on commonalities naturally, what could be wrong with that? Well, these commonalities are formed based on wounds.

A bond formed based on wounds has no future once the wound heals. On the flip side of that, trauma bonds don't usually aim to heal wounds but feed it so the bond, though toxic, can thrive.

Have you ever listened to two people sit down and just hate together? There is nothing stronger. This is how the enemy uses these 'bonds' and connections to carry out his plight. We have to know, the devil, though regularly blamed for many things, needs vessels, little minions to carry out the schemes, and a trauma ridden, toxic person, or two, are just the right candidates.

We must value friendships and relationships so much that we readily identify which are just no good, and have the strength to leave them.

What does a trauma bond look like you may ask?

1. Toxic:

There is no growth in this friendship or relationship. Everything dies here. It's not supportive or nurturing.

2. Stagnant:

You are constantly stuck in the past. If you don't talk about your pain and trauma you have nothing else to talk about. You don't see a future for yourself because you are constantly stuck in the past, and you love it here because you get a companion to curse that world with and stay in a state of despair and fault finding.

3. Destructive:

If there is a glimmer of hope emerging then that is opposed by the other party. You are in a partnership of pain, that's the only emotion allowed to dwell there. You receiving healing and finding a way to move forward becomes a threat to the relationship. You've changed, and they are quick to point out that's not a good thing for the relationship.

4. Sinful

The Bible condems bitterness, hatred, fault finding etc, therefore dwelling and relishing in these things is opening the door for sin. This is why the enemy loves these relationships. It fulfills the agenda to get you to hell.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

1. Supportive and Godly (Galatians 6:2)

Change is welcomed here if it gets you to the best version of yourself. They bear you up in prayer.

2. Healed (Isaiah 43:18-19)

You are in a healthy space mentally, spiritually etc. and progressing. You have healthy conversations and can see a future. Things may not be perfect but your bond brings you closer to God and living a healed life.

3. Accountable (Galatians 6:1-5 , James 5:16)

If you are in a bond that doesn't care what you do, run. A healthy bond is accountable. You are held at your word and vice versa, and this person isn't afraid to check you boo.

Maybe it's time to ask yourself these questions:

AM I IN A TRAUMA BOND?

AM I HERE BECAUSE OF MY WOUNDS?

Mary's baby leaped when she saw Elizabeth. This is a relationship ordained from the beginning, both women carried something that was connected to change the very history of mankind. These are not wound relationships, when purpose is in alignment.

It's time for you to live a healed and fulfilled life. May every entanglement that has stunted your growth be broken in Jesus' name.